I like to think that I have a lateral thinking approach to logic that embraces a certain amount of flexibility and adaptive freedom. Hubby, on the other hand, thinks I’m bonkers. Not stark-raving lick-the-bus-windows doolally, but certainly disjointedly chaotic. In turn I consider his logic occasionally flawed and often mistakenly rigid, and whilst neither of us is either right or wrong I tend to lean towards thinking I’m the one with a firmer grip on reality. But then I would really, wouldn’t I ?
That said, I do do something regularly every 2 weeks that even makes me wonder if the cheese has finally slid off my cracker, ‘cos it seems to plainly illustrate that I’m not packing a full picnic at best…and at worst I’m a babbling idiot.
Every fortnight I do the “Walk Of No Sushi.”
This is the Sunday afternoon jaunt back from dropping off my eldest son at the centre he’s currently staying in, and it involves a 30 minute torture session where I heatedly debate with myself why I should or should not buy myself a box of sushi once I reach the train station.It goes a little something like this :
Me 1 : Hey ! How about buying a small box of sushi from the station ?
Me 2 : Oh Sod OFF! Do we really have to do this Every Single Time ?!?
Me 1 : Yes. So how about it ?
Me 2 : You know I’m not going to, so just give it a rest and look at the nice flowers or something…
Me 1 : Flowers aren’t as nice as sushi…
And so it goes on for 30 long minutes that ultimately culminates in me pissing myself off with my irritating persistence. And not buying any sushi.
Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t some exotic Asian eatery that wafts enticing aromas at hungry commuters, offering them fishy wasabi goodness. No. This is pre-packaged supermarket sushi squeezed into the space on the shelves between the tiny bags of takeaway chopped fruit and cardboard-encased sandwiches. I know it’s not high quality, yet I want it and I want it bad.
So why don’t I just buy some ?
Well, the reasoning behind it is thus ( and don’t bother attempting to make sense of it, you *will* fail.) :
1) For : It only costs 2 – 4 euro.
Against : Money shmoney, a penny saved and all that jazz.
2) For : It’s only a small amount, you’d spend that on a bottle of drink.
Against : Drink doesn’t count. If I dehydrate I get migraines. That pretty much qualifies that bottle of Pepsi Max as medicinal.
3) For : It will stop you being hungry…
Against : I’m only hungry because I’ve been obsessing about sushi for an hour !!
4) For : Nobody will ever know…
Against : I will ! And if I eat some I won’t be hungry when I get home and the dinner Hubby has been preparing for the last 3 hours will be wasted. I might as well throw the plate in his face!
( The voices in my head have a flair for the dramatic )
5) For : You probably have the money in spare small coins at the bottom of your bag right now… go have a look…
Against : True. But this is money that I had to ask for. It’s not mine. It’s travelling money. It’s let’s feed the kids and pay the bills money. If I waste it on sneaky Japanese treats then exactly what sort of thief AM I ??
And so on.
I’m prepared to admit I quite possibly might have a few issues. About practically everything, as it turns out. One thing is crystal clear though, I either need to resolve my money hang-ups or skip the train and start taking the largely pickled-ginger-free bus home…
I could, as per today’s prompt, “Pick something you don’t like, and choose to accept it.“, let it go, and focus my energy on something really, truly important. Make a difference to my world somehow with all that repressed tension and embrace my newfound liberty.
Nah, I still fancy the sushi. *sigh*