Will not crumble for cookies.

I am a classic underachiever. My life is one very long list of things I could have done but somehow miraculously and against my God-given talents I totally failed to. In fact, I’ve elevated non-achievement to an art form. Or would have if I’d made one last effort. Which I didn’t.

Some days that really ticks me off, but on most days I wallow in a tepid pool of “Meh..” and luxuriate in the fact I never really expected me to get anything done anyway. There’s a certain comfort in having artificially lowered expectations of self, and that’s been both my best friend and my worst enemy over the years.

Sure… I could have been the world’s foremost authority on the Guatemalan Lesser Spotted Leaping Snail if I wanted to, but hey! Here’s an idea! How about NOT?? Less studying time, less effort, less sifting through snail snot. Sure, you miss out on that particular dream, but you’re An Underachiever! That’s what you do! Genius.

So, baring in mind that today’s topic is : “What’s the single most important thing you accomplished in 2010?” then this is going to be a pretty short post, yeah?

You wish šŸ˜‰

In reality I possibly accomplished something last year that I never thought I could. Something I thought would crush me beyond recognition ..didn’t.
Last year I didn’t fall to pieces.

This may not seem like that big a deal. After all, at any given time aren’t 5 billion other people holding it together just fine? Well, yes, possibly. But I’m not them, and I shouldn’t compare myself, because goals and hopes are personal. They shouldn’t start with “I want to be better than Betty next door with her infeasibly large breasts and perfect teeth…” or “I want to totally crush that annoying guy in class with his oh-so-perfect PhD in Socio-economic Parapsychology In The Middle Ages…” because when you stop competing with others and start competing with yourself you can finally move forward.

Two things happened last year.A situation with my oldest son truly broke my heart, but in respect for his privacy I won’t divulge what, and my youngest son was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of 4. I spent a lot of time back and forth to hospitals in both situations , terrified I might lose either. Most people expected me to crumble, including myself.

But instead I took one day at a time. One hard step after another. And in all honesty, I still am. Does this make me better than anyone else? No. Does this make me better? Yes. And that’s good enough for me. Or it will be when I work out some sort of biscuit-related reward system.


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